(Source: magicmanula, via ofalpinisms)
LAST AP EXAM FOREVER TOMORROW. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
- AP Physics…. I’m going to bomb Collegeboard.
- Lily Collins is the newest addition to my lesbo list.
- High school juniors should not be allowed to own and drive Aston Martin convertibles to school.
- Victoria has one hell of a secret.
- It hasn’t really hit me that there’s only one Monday of high school left.
- Or that prom is in 5 days.
- Robert. Downey. Jr.
- I am loco for Loki.
- I’m really just trying to find ways to put off studying for the AP gov exam tomorrow.
- And stats the day after.
- I think it’s working.
- Today I learned that my dad’s nickname in China directly translates to “metal egg”. DYING.
- His side of the family also calls me “duck egg”.
- I don’t understand, is “egg” a term of endearment in Northeast China?
- My dad’s actual Chinese name directly translates to “Stone King”.
- Which is why he decided to take the English name “Rocky”.
- So his unofficial English name is “Rocky Wang”.
- S m h .
F U ESTRELLA.
On life’s constant little limitations
Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.
On expectations
Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
On why we are scared of the dark
Calvin: I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
On the unspoken truth behind the education system
Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
On the cruel reality of commercial art
Hobbes: Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.
On the tragedy of hipsters
Calvin: The world bores you when you’re cool.
On the tears of a clown
Calvin: Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humour? When you think about it, it’s weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it’s funny. Don’t you think it’s odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?
Hobbes: I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.
Calvin: (after a long pause) I can’t tell if that’s funny or really scary.
On the falling of sparrows (or providence’s lack of a timetable)
Calvin: Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
On why winter is the cruellest of seasons
Calvin: Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
On the gaping hole in contemporary art’s soul
Calvin: People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
On playing Frankenstein with words
Calvin: Verbing weirds language.
On realising God is more Woody Allen than Michael Bay
Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.
Hobbes: Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.
Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.
On why ET is real
Calvin: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
On looking yourself in the mirror
Hobbes: So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?
On the future
Calvin: Trick or treat!
Adult: Where’s your costume? What are you supposed to be?
Calvin: I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak. Am I scary, or what?
On the truth
Calvin: It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy…Let’s go exploring!
(via jinskim)
- I’m going to listen to dubstep and read Plato, so I’ll either be super hyper or philosophical and shit.
- I’m picturing C———- as a heavy flow kinda gal.
- So she said “Okay, I’m going to talk to C———- about something.” So I said “Okay, have fun talking about menstruation.”
- Just because you have a vagina makes you an expert? I don’t think so.
- The boss is in my pants. My pants are the boss.
- I should hump that Quest into submission.
- Graphs are the white man’s way of trying to put the black man down.
- I’m smarter than my pants.
- I like to shake my bodeh like a belleh dancer.
- Graaahhh Chris smash!!!
- I’m gonna wear my sexy gold vest, and bitches will be licking my body.
- Did you know that if you spell “diffraction” wrong, it spells “diffractoin” which looks like “groin” with “diffract” in the front?
- I’m going to walk up to her and say “S———-. You smell like sheep. And I think that’s hot.”
- Dammit. My cerebral palsy is acting up.
- I just burped up the food of your people. I love lo mein.
- Hey, in my phone, your name is next to A——- R———‘s name, and she likes black penis.
- So I told her “Gross. You’re a whore. And you’re chunky. And your face looks like a box.”
